All That Matter

And then we sat on the ground. Looking up to the polluted sky, no star being seen. So did my mind. It's polluted. Polluted by a poisonous fog that crawled every 9. I was starting to get numb, my mind started becoming hazy. At that very moment, I needed to be rest assured, I needed to feel safe. Safe from my own thoughts. And that's when I glanced at him when he then suddenly clasped his hand into mine, tightly. He didn't utter any word. He was just there, being present. We sat there quietly for a moment. Breathing. Blinking. Feeling the skin of each other. Connecting into each other's mind.

I was about to ask him a question when he all of a sudden said, "Just breathe. Everything might not be okay right now and everything might not be okay tomorrow. Being not okay is just a phase in life, so does being okay. There will be time when you'll feel okay and when you won't. Just take a deep breath and remember this too shall pass. But most of all, always remember that I will always be there when you don't feel okay. I will stay until you'll feel better. Until your mind become less polluted and until you're able to stand firm on your feet. That's when I will momentarily leave just so I can come back to you."

I stared long into his eyes and I smiled. I might not be okay right now but the most important thing is I know that I am loved. That's all that I need.

There's Reason Why I Do What I Do Right Now

Catharsis |kəˈθärsis| (n)

1 the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions

2 rare Medicine purgation.

Or I'd like to say it's something you do that keeps you sane. To be sane in this insane world is a real challenge we face nowadays. Many willing to pay just to keep themselves sane. Be it a psychotherapist visit or an expensive vacation far far away from the insanity of big city. See? Being sane in this world is not cheap, and certainly not easy.

If you're sad or if you're angry or if you're not capable of enduring your variation of emotions or if there's a chemical imbalance going on in your head and you're about to breakdown, catharsis will work for you. It will help you to fight the insanity that the world had thrown at you.

So yes, to finally be able to figure out something you do that can keep you sane is gold. A kind of gold that is so priceless no one can own it but you. Catharsis is good. Well it's actually great. It keeps you sane. It makes you feel better. And it can help you to go on with life without any grudge or any negative emotions. It's magic.

Love of my life

Love comes from everybody, I don't know why people stereotyping love as a lover thingy. Love for me is something that keeps you alive, something that you can't live without, something that makes your life worth to live, something that you seeks everytime you wake up. Yes sometimes it comes from lover too, but I believe that's not the only sources. it could come from your family, your friends or it could be from your pets :) So what about mine? Well below are my love's sources, they are the love of my life, people who never fail to strengthen me and makes me smile everyday.. Directly or indirectly :)

A Reminder

" we can't ask on how we were raised..
but we can train ourselves,
including to have strong mentality "

No Ordinary Days

an old scrapbooking-process photo taken by lala's iphone

well yes there's never an ordinary day with them. I have been in absence of their presence for like almost a week right now, and yes I already feel a massive hole in my life, there's just something missing. I hope to see them soon when the hectic week is over, been longing for them like crazy :' I just love them so much, in fact I love them to the core of my heart ♡ thank you guys for always brighten up my days here in Yogyakarta, I have the best bestfriends ever and I'm really grateful of it ^^

Smiley.. Smiley Everywhere..

I couldn't be happier than spending my last weekend at home. yes I was finally home last week and hell yeah I was beyond happy, there's barely a pout in my face, just happy faces along the way ♥. seeing my little brother and my mom even just for the weekend really makes me glad, the feeling is indeed exhilarating, gotta say there's never a dull moment with them :3. well happiness is simple, no? anyhow since I'm still remain super-happy, these cute smiley faces just popped up into my room out of nowhere, and yeah I was startled :p

Feeling Rather Blue

I was just so close to find myself feelin' comfortable to this city again, well endless thanks to my 'family' here for being all kinds of awesome, I love you guys. Unfortunately this exceptionally fine dream just hit me out of nowhere, I trust it is molded by my subconscious. This dream it's just super fine that when I woke up I feel so much emptiness in me thus it leads me to feeling blue :( Now I know how Mal from Inception feels when she woke up after 50 years of awesome dreaming, no wonder she wanted to go back to her dream again, as reality is not enough for her. Anyway in order to cheer myself up, I feel like snapping some random pictures in my room. I know it's quite an odd act but I don't care, it's quite fun too actually, you might want to try it for yourself if you doubt it. Anyway don't you just adore the furry pink monster case? it's lovely isn' it? :3

Nuff Said

it came over me whilst I watched How I Met Your Mother, and yeah his advice suits me pretty well.

Still Adjusting

well the holiday is officialy come to and end. that means I have to leave my hometown, that means I have to leave my bestmates, that means I have to leave my home, that means I have to leave my family. and yeah that means I'm going alone all over again, living on my own again in this cultural city. how do I feel? completely miserable. this goodbye has never been easy for me, I'm terrible at saying goodbye, I never be good at it. I wish I didn't have to go, I wish I could just lock down myself in my house and keep playing with my little brother. but yeah eventually I have to leave and I must leave, I gotta chase my dream. you gotta leave your comfort-zone in order to become success, right? riiight? so I guess this is a necessary farewell, the kind that will do you some establishments. but still I'm not overly fond of this post-holiday syndrome, it's just sad. I'm currently on my climactic sadness here.. which is not bad. because sometimes profound sadness is the first sign of the early stages of healing. well I crossed my finger on this one, I hope I'll get better immediately. I hope I'll get used to this city again, just like the way it used to be before :)

p.s: I have another great friends here so I guess they can help me to get through this asap ><

(Not So) Casual Comeback

Hello I guess I'm back on this thing again and yeah it's new, I happened to delete my previous blog cos I found out it's too tacky (yeah that's back then when I was a juvenile), initially I intend to delete it for temporary but then it turns out I couldn't find my previous blog - it's totally gone, lost somewhere in an alternate world - thus I decided to make a new one. I'm here coz I need to write down (okay type down to be exact) something that's been bothering my mind in quite some times - it's like the most resilient parasites stick in your mind, infecting yours in very unhealthy way, contagious to other body parts. Okay I may not going to type down what that thing is, I'm just going to type and type and type and type till I run out of any nifty words to make myself feel awesome, writing (or typing) have this special ability to calm my nerves, it makes me feel good all the time. I'm that type of person who can't just tell everybody (even somebody closest to me - or I thought they are) about my thoughts, about my problems, about my anxiety. I just happened to be the most secretive person I know, I rarely talk about my issues when I'm hanging with my best mates, I just tend to share some laughs with them which isn't bad at all - I cherish and enjoy every moment of it - and I can't be more grateful for having them in my life. It's just I don't feel comfortable talking about my issues to others, it's not their fault, it's me who's having a little too reserved. Frankly I don't know how to talk, how to act, how to behave when it comes to the touchy-feely stuffs. Therefore it seems I like to keep my issues to myself which isn't so wrong either. I don't talk to people cos I don't want them to feel sorry for me and I don't want to put the burden on their shoulder.  Besides, I can't talk about it coz I'm afraid people will think I'm such a weird and wacky person if I tell them what's inside my mind. So that's the epitome of my unnecessary comeback, I'm feeling awesome already. Sorry for the inconvenience, enough crap, have a magnificent day people :)

ps: I'm not complaining here, I just wanted my friends to know that their presence is already a bliss to me.

me not talking about my issues is nothing to be worried for, it's not a big deal okay :D